House of Hacks: Prologue

Every house has its own history, no matter how big or how small. For inhabited homes, the accounts are the whole unvarnished truth but for deserted houses, rumors are spread from generation to generation. A haunted house, not like the kind you would find at an amusement park, may have enough of these stories to fill an entire library.

Near the outskirts of Ronkoopama, opposite those of Bowser's Castle, the old Kooperspoon mansion sat there, perched on top of its spooky hill swarmed by dead trees. It begged to have its particular legend told once more and two young Koopas could not wait to satisfy its promise. Chip and Sprinkles gripped their hands around the iron gates in awe and curiosity, gazing at the monstrous residence.

"Here's the place," Sprinkles motioned toward the house, standing alongside her twin with the both of them opposite the Koopalings, "1031 Shilling Drive. Former home of Joseph Kooperspoon."

"Former?" Morton shivered at the thought of that one simple word, "You mean he died in that house?"

"Worse," Chip shook his head, "Not all the money in the Mushroom Kingdom could have saved him from his fate."

"Ah, phooey!" An unimpressed Roy Koopa glowered at him, "Is this creepshow what you dragged us to see?"

"Come on, Roy," Larry criticized him, "Chip and Sprinkles helped us get out of afternoon chores, didn't they?"

"If that's the case," Wendy recalled, "They beat you at your own game."

"Just like Joe's son in this very house," Chip added.

"Yeah," "Sprinkles theorized, "His son got beat and look happened to his family."

Iggy gulped, "You mean he snapped?"

"Worse than your father would if any of you released Princess Peach from your dungeon," Sprinkles told them.

"But why?" Lemmy asked, stunned.

"It's all in the legend," Chip explained, "The Legend of Warren Kooperspoon."

"Oh great," Roy mumbled to himself, "A bedtime story."

"Sprinkles, do the honors," Chip ignored him.

"Thank you, Bro." Sprinkles acknowledged, then took a second to clear her throat.

"One hundred years ago," She began, "The powerful and corrupt politican Joseph Kooperspoon lived in the stately 1031 Shilling Drive mansion. His eldest son, Warren, was a strapping young man of twenty-three with his mind set on the fair Mary Koopbelle. Unfortunately, Warren was a Koopa whose pride was his own worst enemy, having more of a fondness for himself than his fiancee. It was clear to everyone except his naive bride-to-be that he was marrying for money, wanting his father's estate all for the taking.

"One evening in late May, Joseph threw one of his many parties inviting only the wealthiest in town. There was great food, singing, dancing, laughing and good times to be had for everyone...except one Koopa. Warren, destined to be married the following week, waited and waited for Mary to show just so he can prove his worth. The hours crept by through the night with no such luck. Just minutes before midnight, he dejectedly retreated upstairs to his bedroom where he discovered Mary had fallen for Leonard Kooperspoon, his younger brother!

"'I'm ruined!' Warren shouted in frustration, 'Cheated! How could Leonard do this to me?'

"A wave of emotions splashed through his head until he finally went insane. 'If I can't have the estate,' he determined, 'No one else will!' Warren picked up the key, slammed his bedroom door shut and locked the two lovebirds inside their cage. He came back with his trusty ax and at midnight, the grandfather clock in the hallway counted each of Warren's twelve strokes on Leonard and Mary. Warren then snatched the blood-stained ax and ran downstairs to the foyer where terror crashed the once lively party. Those who could get out of the mansion did but Joseph, his wife and two daughters were not so lucky.

"After the Grim Reaper's house call, Warren Kooperspoon went missing and to this day, no one is quite sure what became of him. Some say he hid in the house for the rest of his days, undaunted by his conscience and the threat of the electric chair. Others believe he turned the ax on himself, hoping that mixing his own dying blood with that of the innocent will spare him from a ghoulish afterlife. It's also been said the mansion's dining room has been kept tidy by the ghosts of the six slain by Warren. Known for their double-crossing ways, even today, they wait to unleash their spiritual revenge on more unsuspecting victims for a dinner party that may never arrive.

"The end," Sprinkles finished her tale without batting an eyelash. Chip, though familiar with the legend, still could not help but feel the least bit jittery. Larry, Wendy, Iggy and Lemmy huddled amongst each other for comfort, thinking of nothing except the horrific happenings in the house.

"Hah!" Roy showed his skepticism at once, "Thanks for the love story, Sprinkles. Hope you like some dupe with that baloney sandwich you tried to feed me."

"Suit yourself, Roy," Sprinkles shut him down, "If you don't believe in ghosts, why don't you scope the mansion out for yourself?"

"You're on!" Roy accepted the challenge, "I'll prove you all that it's not haunted."

"No!" His brothers, Wendy and Chip all gasped together.

"Roy, you can't go in there!" Morton cried, "Those ghosts Sprinkles talked about sure seemed real to me!"

"Yeah, take our word for it!" Chip added, "Unless you want to get chopped to bits, of course!"

"How do you know what's in there when nobody's gone in?" Roy asked Chip and Sprinkles.

"Zere's no better time to find out," Ludwig recommended, "Vhat are ve vaiting for?"

"Ludwig's right," Sprinkles stood by him with Roy following suit, "Who's with us?"

Chip gulped and walked by his twin, "You got me, Sis. The more the merrier, right?"

"I hope you mean more Koopas and not more pieces," Larry chuckled nervously.

That comment alone was enough for Iggy and Lemmy to withdraw themselves in their shells.

"Wimps," Roy thought.

"So, how do we enter?" Wendy wanted to know.

"No one's gone in since the party," Sprinkles reminded her, "For all I know, the gates could still be unlocked."

"They are," Larry wasted no time, swinging one open toward the group.

"It's like they're inviting us in," Chip deduced, his mouth hanging.